May 1st
Well, it's just May 1st. I just finished the hour long session. I am finding it interesting that my mother seems to become emotionally open (but not totally so) during these sessions. She looks forward to them before going to sleep. I just love that.
Tonight I massaged her arms and legs with some nice jojoba aromatherapy massage oil, which smells great with chamomile and lavender, put on a CD called Reiki Magic with Merlin, or something like that (I'm almost overdoing the other one Reiki Whale, which we both love), set up some frankencense aromatherapy, and lit that quartz crystal tea light. She especially loved the massage tonight.
Her back is getting stiffer and today she admitted that she in fact does have some kind of pain every day, although it's not constant or severe. She's also having trouble eating enough, like all pancreatic cancer patients. In this case, I also suspect some nerve damage from the surgery.
I'm nervous and creeped out that it's probably the tumor in her pancreas. I gave her some oxycodone. No need to be constantly reminded through intermittent pain what's going wrong. Trying to stay strong and not project my own fear about what she's facing. She's not particularly aware of how bad of a cancer this is, and doesn't really want to think about it. I don't blame her.
Monday is cyberknife radiation to reduce her tumor burden. I really think that will get rid of a lot of the pain for a good while.
Anyway, back to the session. Tonight at first I placed two hands on her hip area, toward the side, below the pancreas area. Then I moved one hand to her knee. More for variety and not to be too intense.
She seems to have a pattern of thinking of something from childhood at the beginning of these sessions. Tonight she was thinking of the lady at the end of her road who had chickens. This woman put plastic eggs in the hens' nests, I guess to promote egg production. So my mom, as a kid, would go exploring the hens nests, and one day took an egg to the woman who owned the hens. She was told to put the egg back, even though she was just showing it to the woman. I guess not in a scolding way, but just wanted the egg back under the hen.
I then reminded her of a dream she had one night during her second week home. She dreamed she was in a plane crash, which was very scary. But she and another women were among the few survivors. The woman was even making wise cracks, and after a while they started to have a little fun there. I thought this was really significant in terms of her own survival. But she doesn't remember the dream, so I have to remind her.
This also made her give me a little metaphor about life - sometimes you get stuck going down the wrong road and soon you are stuck in the mud, and you have to do all these things to extricate yourself. VERY interesting! Not only was this wise, but it really was a metaphor for what we're going through now.
Then she was worrying (argh, this is the root of a lot of this dis-ease, I tell you!) about the home health aide not having enough to do on her last day. Then it was returning some books to a friend and wanting to go to the library, which would be the first time since she got home. Yay.
I have to say, all of this little talk makes the hour go by quickly. When she first got home I was doing it for an hour, but she was really too weak to talk, or to really want to be touched at all. At that point, I just held my hands over her body, especially over the stomach surgery incision area.
I also get a chance to gently remind her that the worrying suppresses her immune system, and maybe she should do a meditation where she sends those worries off on clouds. She agreed, but the level of worrying she does comes from her subconscious, so it's going to be a challenge to get it to turn off.
Tonight she realized that she doesn't like to lie flat to sleep anymore. Is it the cancer, or osteoporosis, which is giving her a slight hunch? I really hate seeing my sweet mother deteriorate like this after being healthy and eating well forever.
So, at the end of this session, we were both more relaxed, at ease, and she was happy. We both look forward to the sessions, even though she sometimes tries to get me to go to bed after 1/2 an hour.
Tomorrow I'm planning on using Dick Sutphen's self-hypnosis CD "Healing Force" during the session. I'm figuring the Reiki will relax her so that she's especially open to the healing suggestions.
My huge worry is the not eating thing. She tries to make herself eat, but I am stretched to get her to eat even 1,000 calories per day. She's lost 5 pounds this month, and this can't go on. If the cancer doesn't get her, malnutrition may. I do give her a whey protein, flax and fish oil, berry shake that has vitamin powder in it, but really things are soooo difficult. The only time she eats is if I remind her. I can't even remember to get her to eat more than 4 times a day, if 3, so this is a big problem.
I hope the Reiki will eventually help with that too, since it is working to heal her on all levels.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
The Reiki Sessions - My Mom and Pancreatic Cancer. Diary No.1
April 30, 2008
I've been doing Reiki on my mother, who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer during a stomach surgery, nearly ever day since March 18, the day of her surgery. First, I did it for hours at a time for the week she was in the ICU. After she was transferred to a regular room, I did it every day, but one day I did it for 3 hours straight.
That in itself was interesting because I noticed that the Reiki energy itself ebbed and flowed. When I give a 1 or 1 1/2 hour session, it flows strongly the whole time. She's been home for nearly a month, and I now give her nightly one hour sessions. I try to get an hour in every night, but lately I've become exhausted, so this past week I did 2 half hour sessions instead. The day I was really exhausted and didn't do it all, I didn't like the gastrointestinal symptoms she had when she woke up.
My Preparation
To prepare my mom to relax and make the environment a healing one, I light a tea light made of a large piece of quartz crystal. The effect is that it looks like a piece of glowing ice on her dresser. Sometimes I add aromatherapy elements, such as frankincense (which, along with lavender, was recommended at a Reiki workshop I attended a few years ago). My mom, though she's 84, especially likes Patchouli, so sometimes I use that alone, or with ylang ylang *(these are heat diffusers - drops of essential oil in water, heated by a tea light below. No irritating smoke involved). Then I darken the room, and put on a Reiki or meditation CD. I often also massage her legs and arms with aromatherapy massage oil, since her skin is now especially dry. It also relaxes her, another immune boost.
I then call Dr. Usui, Mrs. Takata, and Dr. Hayashi along with the other ascended Reiki Masters, along with Jesus, Mary, the Buddha and anybody else who occurs to me that night, giving thanks in a advance for the blessings received.
Since I'm sitting in a small downstairs room next to her bed, I don't usually do all the hand positions. It's awkward to stand up leaning against the bed, and sitting down I often can't reach. So, what I do is when she has some rib pain, I put my hands there, or I put them on her abdomen or hip. Sometimes I end up placing one hand on a thigh or knee and the other on a hip. I have the feeling that when I'm going that's balancing the chakra system more than just 1 hand position.
the session
I often envision the Reiki lighting up her whole abdomen, energizing the normal cells and weakening or dissolving the malignant ones. I do this acknowledging that Reiki has its own intelligence, but just for my own self, I want to direct some of it there, and then the rest of the Reiki can go where wants.
What these nightly sessions have turned into has been this incredibly intimate series of conversations between me and my mother. Many times she talks about her childhood, sharing information or thoughts I've never heard from her before, or some emotional issue that she's also never spoken about before.
Last Night's Session
Last night, we talked about her family, and she told me that when she first came home from the hospital in early April she would see her whole family in the room with us, up in the corner (she's the only one remaining from her nuclear family). She NEVER said a word about this to me before last night.
I also had gotten some information that the emotional component of my mother's dis-ease had to do with an inability to communicate effectively at times, in addition to an unconscious, but intense, tendency to worry all of the time. So, it's been interesting to see if she can recognize these elements, and heal that part of her. I don't push this or try to analyze her. I'm not a psychologist, and she doesn't like the kind of prying that that would take anyway.
The issues come up anyway. Last night she was talking about how her mother talked non-stop (and her father always had patience with that, telling the kids "just let her talk, she'll be alright," but really it was her father who didn't talk all that much, and didn't express his feelings very well either. Typical WASPY thing. My grandfather was an extremely kind and gentle man. He died when I was 11, but I always remember his kindness, and yes, his quietness. Since my own father was a rage-aholic, it was quite a relief to be around a man who was quiet, settled, and kind. His daughters all idolized him for that. Last night my mother told me she thought he was a philosopher. She also talked generally about how, yes, sometimes it is difficult for her to communicate because nobody really ever taught her how to do so.
The night before she came up with something from childhood. Her neighbor up the hill had a mother who wasn't too well, and they were talking about putting her in a nursing home. She never found out what happened in the end. I asked her why she often thought of her childhood during these sessions, when she really doesn't talk about it much otherwise, and she replied that she thought her life was more fun and interesting than it is today. She also loved to ride her bike everywhere, and loved to take her baby sister out in the stroller, thinking aloud that today she would never let a small child wheel around an infant like her mother had with her. That whole reminiscence was very sweet, and I thought of what life must have been like in Westchester County in the 1920s.
Every night
I make sure that I always do a Reiki session every night because of 1 experience I had the week before last. This winter my mother's health problems started with a bout of bleeding diverticulitis, which sent her to the hospital for the first time in 40 years, and the second time in her life. The ONE night I missed because, again, I was too tired, she had some bad digestive symptoms pointing to the diverticulitis. So, now I never miss, even if we're not too focused, or whether my mother feels like talking the whole time. Getting that energy into her system has been vital.
And it heals her on many levels. My friend and Reiki Master, Pauline, now comes over once a week to do vortex healing on her (see thiswebsite for more information). She's a medical intuitive as well, and says she can tell that my mother's had lots of Reiki - just from her energy level and the way her energy system feels when she works on her.
Outside validation is great.
My "inside" validation is that on the days that she's having a bit of pain in her side, if I give her oxycodone and do the Reiki, it takes care of it for the rest of the day. If it's acute, and I do Reiki, it takes a half an hour to start to show that it's working, but the Reiki definitely calms things down.
Next report tomorrow.
I've been doing Reiki on my mother, who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer during a stomach surgery, nearly ever day since March 18, the day of her surgery. First, I did it for hours at a time for the week she was in the ICU. After she was transferred to a regular room, I did it every day, but one day I did it for 3 hours straight.
That in itself was interesting because I noticed that the Reiki energy itself ebbed and flowed. When I give a 1 or 1 1/2 hour session, it flows strongly the whole time. She's been home for nearly a month, and I now give her nightly one hour sessions. I try to get an hour in every night, but lately I've become exhausted, so this past week I did 2 half hour sessions instead. The day I was really exhausted and didn't do it all, I didn't like the gastrointestinal symptoms she had when she woke up.
My Preparation
To prepare my mom to relax and make the environment a healing one, I light a tea light made of a large piece of quartz crystal. The effect is that it looks like a piece of glowing ice on her dresser. Sometimes I add aromatherapy elements, such as frankincense (which, along with lavender, was recommended at a Reiki workshop I attended a few years ago). My mom, though she's 84, especially likes Patchouli, so sometimes I use that alone, or with ylang ylang *(these are heat diffusers - drops of essential oil in water, heated by a tea light below. No irritating smoke involved). Then I darken the room, and put on a Reiki or meditation CD. I often also massage her legs and arms with aromatherapy massage oil, since her skin is now especially dry. It also relaxes her, another immune boost.
I then call Dr. Usui, Mrs. Takata, and Dr. Hayashi along with the other ascended Reiki Masters, along with Jesus, Mary, the Buddha and anybody else who occurs to me that night, giving thanks in a advance for the blessings received.
Since I'm sitting in a small downstairs room next to her bed, I don't usually do all the hand positions. It's awkward to stand up leaning against the bed, and sitting down I often can't reach. So, what I do is when she has some rib pain, I put my hands there, or I put them on her abdomen or hip. Sometimes I end up placing one hand on a thigh or knee and the other on a hip. I have the feeling that when I'm going that's balancing the chakra system more than just 1 hand position.
the session
I often envision the Reiki lighting up her whole abdomen, energizing the normal cells and weakening or dissolving the malignant ones. I do this acknowledging that Reiki has its own intelligence, but just for my own self, I want to direct some of it there, and then the rest of the Reiki can go where wants.
What these nightly sessions have turned into has been this incredibly intimate series of conversations between me and my mother. Many times she talks about her childhood, sharing information or thoughts I've never heard from her before, or some emotional issue that she's also never spoken about before.
Last Night's Session
Last night, we talked about her family, and she told me that when she first came home from the hospital in early April she would see her whole family in the room with us, up in the corner (she's the only one remaining from her nuclear family). She NEVER said a word about this to me before last night.
I also had gotten some information that the emotional component of my mother's dis-ease had to do with an inability to communicate effectively at times, in addition to an unconscious, but intense, tendency to worry all of the time. So, it's been interesting to see if she can recognize these elements, and heal that part of her. I don't push this or try to analyze her. I'm not a psychologist, and she doesn't like the kind of prying that that would take anyway.
The issues come up anyway. Last night she was talking about how her mother talked non-stop (and her father always had patience with that, telling the kids "just let her talk, she'll be alright," but really it was her father who didn't talk all that much, and didn't express his feelings very well either. Typical WASPY thing. My grandfather was an extremely kind and gentle man. He died when I was 11, but I always remember his kindness, and yes, his quietness. Since my own father was a rage-aholic, it was quite a relief to be around a man who was quiet, settled, and kind. His daughters all idolized him for that. Last night my mother told me she thought he was a philosopher. She also talked generally about how, yes, sometimes it is difficult for her to communicate because nobody really ever taught her how to do so.
The night before she came up with something from childhood. Her neighbor up the hill had a mother who wasn't too well, and they were talking about putting her in a nursing home. She never found out what happened in the end. I asked her why she often thought of her childhood during these sessions, when she really doesn't talk about it much otherwise, and she replied that she thought her life was more fun and interesting than it is today. She also loved to ride her bike everywhere, and loved to take her baby sister out in the stroller, thinking aloud that today she would never let a small child wheel around an infant like her mother had with her. That whole reminiscence was very sweet, and I thought of what life must have been like in Westchester County in the 1920s.
Every night
I make sure that I always do a Reiki session every night because of 1 experience I had the week before last. This winter my mother's health problems started with a bout of bleeding diverticulitis, which sent her to the hospital for the first time in 40 years, and the second time in her life. The ONE night I missed because, again, I was too tired, she had some bad digestive symptoms pointing to the diverticulitis. So, now I never miss, even if we're not too focused, or whether my mother feels like talking the whole time. Getting that energy into her system has been vital.
And it heals her on many levels. My friend and Reiki Master, Pauline, now comes over once a week to do vortex healing on her (see thiswebsite for more information). She's a medical intuitive as well, and says she can tell that my mother's had lots of Reiki - just from her energy level and the way her energy system feels when she works on her.
Outside validation is great.
My "inside" validation is that on the days that she's having a bit of pain in her side, if I give her oxycodone and do the Reiki, it takes care of it for the rest of the day. If it's acute, and I do Reiki, it takes a half an hour to start to show that it's working, but the Reiki definitely calms things down.
Next report tomorrow.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Pancreatic Cancer, My Mother, and Reiki
When I started this little blog, I never imagined for a minute that I would be putting anything in it but Reiki Master student stories. I had stopped writing for a while because I was trying to finish up a doctoral degree. I'm still doing that, but my mother, for whom I am the caregiver, got very sick this winter with a blockage in her stomach, After surgery to connect another part of her intestine to her stomach so it could empty, the surgeons determined the blockage was caused by an inoperable tumor wrapped around a blood vessel - coming out of her pancreas. So, now our family joins 30,000 others in facing this disease, which does not have a good cure rate.
Cancer. Shit.
My mother's sister, who I mentioned in the previous post, died just days before my mom got out of the hospital. That was another tragedy.
My mom nearly didn't make it out of her surgery alive either - she spent over a week in ICU. I probably would have had a nervous breakdown if she hadn't survived. Not only do I take care of her (before now it was minimal, just making sure she could stay in her house), but she's really my best friend.
What I did do for hours on end while she was in the hospital was give her Reiki. One day, I did it for 3 hours straight. I found that it doesn't come out as strongly for the entire 3 hours as it does for an hour session.
I also had Pauline, my Reiki Master, come in and do vortex healing on her at one point, when she was still extremely weak after ICU. That's going to be the next class I take after this one.
My mother has now been home from the hospital for 3 weeks. She's getting much stronger and able to be in the house by herself for a few hours at a time, even though sometimes she's really tired as well.
At the same time, I've been researching treatment options (the doctors and social workers at the hospital were so depressing about the whole thing, so I decided to check out things myself - you have to be your own advocate in the health system). I found a new radiation technique called the cyberknife, which is based on missile technology and delivers radiation with such pinpoint accuracy that it doesn't really damage the surrounding tissues. My best friend from high school coincidentally had it done a few months ago and had no side effects at all. We're having that procedure done at Winthrop Hospital the second week in May. Three shots and you're done.
I've also been researching complimentary and nutritional approaches, including the Budwig protocol (based on flaxseed oil and cottage cheese), resveratrol, tumeric, Maitake mushroom D fraction, quercetin, etc. All of those can be used together with the radiation. Some, like tumeric, have been shown to make the chemo she may try, gemcitabine, work better.
I advocate using both. Chemo hasn't been so successful with this cancer, but this isn't a very strong agent, so we'll give it a try.
Cancer patients also have emotional issues that have suppressed their immune systems, so we're working on that too.
The big problem so far is her appetite. She went from sick but eating to feeling better and refusing to eat. Even though many pancreatic cancer patients lose their appetites, I am convinced that the surgery did nerve damage to the stomach - it's one thing to not be hungry, but it's another to feel super full after 3 bites. I'm going to get her to an acupuncturist to work on that as well as the cancer issue.
I also have been doing relaxation with her, and nightly Reiki sessions. Those sessions have been interesting on a number of levels, from the nature of our interactions, which often are very loving, to the sensations and intuitions I get while giving the treatments. I try to do an hour a night, but lately I've become a little rundown, so sometimes we only do a half an hour. But in any case, I'm religious about not missing a night. I did miss one the other day, and she woke up with symptoms of diverticulitis that she hasn't had since February. So, I have my proof of how important daily sessions are.
In the case of cancer, there are so many levels to address that I'm not sure what is being healed. I haven't seen a miracle yet, but that doesn't mean I won't. I do know that on the nights when she's got a little pain in her side the Reiki helps the oxycodone work better. She hasn't had any pain at all for the last 5 days, which I attribute to the vortex healing sessions.
So, this journal is going to be my account of nightly Reiki sessions and other aspects of my journey with my mother through her pancreatic cancer. It will literally be a journal of this Reiki experience.
I am both sad that my mom will be leaving me sooner than we both had anticipated, (but how much sooner I don't know - people have already told me about friends and relatives with the disease who are unexpectedly still here 3 or 4 years later), but I'm honored to be able to help her on her healing journey.
Tomorrow night I'll begin the reports on the sessions.
Cancer. Shit.
My mother's sister, who I mentioned in the previous post, died just days before my mom got out of the hospital. That was another tragedy.
My mom nearly didn't make it out of her surgery alive either - she spent over a week in ICU. I probably would have had a nervous breakdown if she hadn't survived. Not only do I take care of her (before now it was minimal, just making sure she could stay in her house), but she's really my best friend.
What I did do for hours on end while she was in the hospital was give her Reiki. One day, I did it for 3 hours straight. I found that it doesn't come out as strongly for the entire 3 hours as it does for an hour session.
I also had Pauline, my Reiki Master, come in and do vortex healing on her at one point, when she was still extremely weak after ICU. That's going to be the next class I take after this one.
My mother has now been home from the hospital for 3 weeks. She's getting much stronger and able to be in the house by herself for a few hours at a time, even though sometimes she's really tired as well.
At the same time, I've been researching treatment options (the doctors and social workers at the hospital were so depressing about the whole thing, so I decided to check out things myself - you have to be your own advocate in the health system). I found a new radiation technique called the cyberknife, which is based on missile technology and delivers radiation with such pinpoint accuracy that it doesn't really damage the surrounding tissues. My best friend from high school coincidentally had it done a few months ago and had no side effects at all. We're having that procedure done at Winthrop Hospital the second week in May. Three shots and you're done.
I've also been researching complimentary and nutritional approaches, including the Budwig protocol (based on flaxseed oil and cottage cheese), resveratrol, tumeric, Maitake mushroom D fraction, quercetin, etc. All of those can be used together with the radiation. Some, like tumeric, have been shown to make the chemo she may try, gemcitabine, work better.
I advocate using both. Chemo hasn't been so successful with this cancer, but this isn't a very strong agent, so we'll give it a try.
Cancer patients also have emotional issues that have suppressed their immune systems, so we're working on that too.
The big problem so far is her appetite. She went from sick but eating to feeling better and refusing to eat. Even though many pancreatic cancer patients lose their appetites, I am convinced that the surgery did nerve damage to the stomach - it's one thing to not be hungry, but it's another to feel super full after 3 bites. I'm going to get her to an acupuncturist to work on that as well as the cancer issue.
I also have been doing relaxation with her, and nightly Reiki sessions. Those sessions have been interesting on a number of levels, from the nature of our interactions, which often are very loving, to the sensations and intuitions I get while giving the treatments. I try to do an hour a night, but lately I've become a little rundown, so sometimes we only do a half an hour. But in any case, I'm religious about not missing a night. I did miss one the other day, and she woke up with symptoms of diverticulitis that she hasn't had since February. So, I have my proof of how important daily sessions are.
In the case of cancer, there are so many levels to address that I'm not sure what is being healed. I haven't seen a miracle yet, but that doesn't mean I won't. I do know that on the nights when she's got a little pain in her side the Reiki helps the oxycodone work better. She hasn't had any pain at all for the last 5 days, which I attribute to the vortex healing sessions.
So, this journal is going to be my account of nightly Reiki sessions and other aspects of my journey with my mother through her pancreatic cancer. It will literally be a journal of this Reiki experience.
I am both sad that my mom will be leaving me sooner than we both had anticipated, (but how much sooner I don't know - people have already told me about friends and relatives with the disease who are unexpectedly still here 3 or 4 years later), but I'm honored to be able to help her on her healing journey.
Tomorrow night I'll begin the reports on the sessions.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
