Reiki in the Hospital

My mom misses her Reiki sessions! I'm amazed. So, I started just putting both hands on her leg, and making sure I stay there for an hour, even though nurses come in and out. It is amazing how comforted she is by the Reiki energy. She just laps it up, and feels much better when I let her know that she indeed has received a total of an hour.

What I mostly do is just put a hand on her while I sit there, and turn on the Reiki. That works too. Both hands are better, but the one hand is comforting enough.

She'll be in there until probably Tuesday.

I'm in hell again though. And I am a new hater of chemo and the oncologist paradigm. What was I thinking letting an 84 year old woman do chemo anyway? Desperate or not, I should have put my foot down - my instinct was to refuse, but I let myself get talked into it.

Lesson: ALWAYS follow your gut. I knew this was wrong, and I let the world do what it wanted, not what I wanted.

Once my mom gets to the point where she can eat a semi normal amount of food, I'm going to put her on the Budwig Protocol. Full force. At the very least, people's qualities of life are improved. At the most, they go into remission. I think my mom's set to go out next year, for a number of reasons, but if she can be out of pain naturally and have some energy, I'll take that.

And we'll probably get her into hospice for the support in the meantime.

My mother is my best friend, and just a wonderful person. She is the biggest light in my life, and I'm devastated having to face all of this right now.

Diary No. 19 Things are getting bad and mom misses our Reiki sessions

No posts for a while because I've been on the cancer roller coaster.

Things were going on as usual, and then we decide to do chemo. I was more worried about than my mother was. At first she was supposed to get Gemcitabine and Tarceva, but then when we went for the appointment it was Gemcitabine and 5FU, the toxic one. Shit. But the oncologist is highly regarded around here and promised my mother he would take her age into consideration.

So, first, she's just a little tired, and I'm happily relieved. Then, as the week progresses she has less and less appetite, and I have a hard time getting her to even drink water. Then she gets whacked with fatigue and some horrible constipation. At first, Pauline came over, and she was fine. Then she gets so horribly constipated she's got pain all over, and especially bad stomach pain. The oncologist's office recommended a shocking amount of laxatives, but they worked. Very horrible. Poison in, poison out. The second time Pauline comes over, she has to work on her while she's in bed. Later on she's too weak to get on the massage table for our nightly Reiki session, so I do it while she's lying on the couch. By the 4th of July, 6 weeks of physical therapy are down the drain.

So then she gets hit with a horrible urinary tract infection and in the middle of the night her fever gets to 105. Off to the hospital in the ambulance.

She's now recovering on the oncology ward (which has the best nursing staff I've ever seen in a non-ICU situation). She's now on pancreatin, a sign the tumor has progressed.

I was really mad because I thought it was all from the chemo. But the oncologist said the cancer didn't respond to the CyberKnife and her tumor marker, which initially had dropped sharply, was back up again. Crap. She'll be in the hospital 5 more days while they give her extra antibiotics and figure out how to proceed.

So I went to the local Master psychic, Daniel Akner, (check him out here) last night (I had gone for the first time when she was just out of surgery - which was totally traumatic for her). I'm freaked out because I'm thinking that mom's end is nearer than I had thought. She had been doing spectacularly well, going from a wheelchair to a cane in 2 months, and was getting perkier and perkier, and suddenly, wham!

Daniel gives the most incredibly spiritual readings possible. The nightly Reiki seems to be evolving us, to make a long story short, and is the equivalent of a daily Hawaiian vacation for mom (OK, the Dick Sutphen tapes have something to do with that since the relaxation section is a tropical beach).

He didn't think that what my mom sees in an aura was a hallucination brought on by the anesthesia or something. He thinks she's getting energy into her system and is seeing it in her aura.

He didn't think the red was bad. He thought it was life force or something good like that. I also told him that on the first day of her chemo the spot turned white with black around it. He had seen that spot recently himself, since he had been severely ill as well. He thought it was energy coming for her.

All very good and cool about Reiki and its energizing and spiritual effects!

I also asked him to throw some tarot cards out on some of the supplements I've been giving mom. I had them on 3x5 cards. Resveratrol, quecertin and green tea extract, antioxidants, will interfere with the chemo (thereby resolving a controversy in the chemo field!!), however COQ10 will not, but it's also an antioxidant. Melatonin, recently recommended as an antioxidant with potential cancer fighting abilities, is a big no no for her because it will negatively impact her sleep patterns and freak her out. Polyerga will help, but Maitake MD fraction is too exotic and strong for her system (she had begun to refuse to take it anyway). Whey protein shakes, and flax, fish, and coconut oil, and multivitamins are all good.

It's interesting that the cards were slowly eliminating most non-food (ie extracts) cancer fighters, and they lead to the next thing.

The Budwig Protocol (see thisfor more info. There is also a yahoo group dedicated to supporting members on this diet. The address is flaxoil2@yahoogroups.com.) was associated with a card that had a woman with restored youth. That was the best so far.

What I'm going to do is start my mom out with the whey protein shakes, into which I put the Budwig-type of flaxseed oil and cottage cheese mixture, but less of it, and vitamins, with whey protein. I'll do this until she can eat enough to ingest enough flax seed oil to switch over to the Budwig protocol completely (if you're interested in trying this, get the recipe book from Amazon). I am very impressed with the results people on that list have. Many people with stage 3 or 4 cancer whom the oncology community has given up on, or who refuse to have all the toxic chemicals in their system, have had remissions. Others just have a lot of energy and a wonderful quality of life until they pass.

As I said before, I'm sure each cancer has its own energetic signature, so it does make sense that some of these supplements would be inappropriate for my mom in her current disease process, and still be helpful to others.

Today my mother looked MUCH better, but was still very tired. She's coming along slowly. But she was very tired, and sleeping most of the day. That's fine.

This next phase will be very scary for all involved.

Yesterday she wanted to go home very badly. One of the things she missed the most was the nightly REIKI SESSIONS!!

Diary No. 18

Tonight the same - she's seeing the sponge thing in her aura, but now it's partly red and the other part is turning fuscia. Don't know what that means, my first impression was that some light was getting in there to lighten up the red (anger?). Whatever it is, she's not in touch with the emotion behind it, so I don't know what to do or think even.

Center of her stomach got a little sore when I touched it. So I did some ART aura cleansing, and that got it back to normal. I had this feeling that I was clearing black gook when I did that. Not sure why, but I got that visual in the back of my head.

We then had a little cathartic emotional session, mainly me freaking about about mom's complaining about things about the house. I'm doing my best and I can't take it anymore, especially since I'm wiped out from handing in the final copy of the dissertation on Friday. Then she felt bad that I felt bad, and we had a nice little mother/daughter chat, where she told me she just realized that health is the most important thing and she should stop worrying about the money because the house is paid for and she can get a reverse mortgage if necessary (which would be wonderful, because it would mean she survives this thing).

Mom also misses her sisters. As of late March she's the only one left of her nuclear family.

So then Pauline called me up with some Reiki homework. I need to send Reiki to my mom receiving the perfect drug combination and dose in the perfect time sequence.

Diary No. 17. It's been an interesting 2 weeks

Still doing basically the same routine. Trying to get a Reiki session every night to Dick Sutphen's Healing Force CD.

The week before last, I had to miss 2 days in a row though, because I was so intensely editing the final copy of my dissertation that I ended up being either totally exhausted or too late to start one.

So Pauline comes over to do vortex healing, checks her chakras with the pendulum, and it's obvious from the lack of movement that without the Reiki, she doesn't stay in balance. Very interesting.

Got the CA-19-9 numbers back too. March, pre-surgery: 749, End of April, home for 3 weeks, no other treatment, hardly any appetite: 2700. Crap, the surgery, anesthesia, and preservative-laden hospital food did a number on her immune system.
End of May, 3 weeks after CyberKnife, and 2 weeks after she got her appetite back (so she could drink they whey protein/supplement shakes): 1400. Still double March, but half of the previous month. Just did another test last week, so I'll have that number soon.

Medical oncologist wants to start her on Gemcitibine and 5FU. Supposedly she'll have very mild side effects, with no nausea or vomiting. Possibly her blood count will go down. I'm working as hard as I can with the nutritional and Reiki support so this actually comes true, because from what I see on the net, this isn't really true. Also would like to avoid that low blood count.

Propax NT is recommeded in a great book by a neurosurgeon Natural Strategies for Cancer Patients by Russell Baylock, MD (neurosurgeon). If she starts getting side effects that the other supplements I'm giving don't address, I'll try that.

In any case, she keeps seeing images in her aura. Mostly it's this sponge-like blob that varies between grey, black and red (not too happy to see it could be black or gray). I don't know if that's the cancer she seeing or not. She started telling me it had holes in it the other day.

Also, one night, father's day night to be specific, when I had started the Reiki late and let her stay in her bed to do it, she fell off to sleep, and then woke up saying she had a nightmare in which her father was trying to get her to go somewhere she didn't want to go. THAT was interesting. Not sure where the place was, but I think it's indicating emotional aspects that need to be healed

Tomorrow is the chemo. I think I'm more nervous than my mother.

Diary No. 16 - She's still seeing stuff in her aura

I'd never have expected my mother to get to seeing things in her aura, as I said in the previous post.

Last night I did Reiki while the Dick Sutphen CD was on. We get to the music part, she's sleeping and suddenly says "Lake Como." OK, so I say, "what?" and then she wakes up. When she woke up, she saw a big, dark pink flower in her aura, and next to that was a kidney shaped spot. Now it was just an outline, translucent. Good that it went from black, to gray, to red, to clear. I just wasn't sure what the whole thing meant.

Pauline came over this afternoon and thought that Lake Como is kidney shaped. OK, that makes sense. She also thought that the things in her aura had something to do with part of the origins of the cancer.

So, after a very long and powerful vortex healing session (I sit and put Reiki into the room while she's doing it - supports them both), she came up with my mother's childhood and her parents worrying about money, which possibly made life seem like a grind, and not too sweet, to my mother. A similar feeling came up early in her marriage. Made sense both times. My mother was raised during the depression, and while my grandfather didn't lose his job, he got fewer commissions and was making less money to raise four girls. My father lost his drugstore to the big chains at the beginning of their marriage, and his employment situation didn't really stablize after that for ten years.

Worries about money definitely contribute to my mother's cancer. It was particularly appropriate today because my mother had been feeling desperate about her own money situation, and just before Pauline arrived we had been having this little dramatic argument where I was adamant that she was cutting her life short by worrying so much.

Of course when Pauline tested her chakras with the pendulum, they were very low, hardly moving. The root was the best of them all, but not great. By the end of the session, they were all moving much better. It really was direct proof of the power of the emotions to suppress one's energy and thereby immune system. It is only when my mother is depressed about money that she has these non-moving chakras. Worry is a complete waste of energy, that's for sure!

Later tonight, she had no complaints about dinner, and told me she decided that she was going to stop complaining about things and be more cheerful. I hope that doesn't mean she's going to keep things in more, because I also know that THAT particular aspect of her personality also lowers ones immunity.

So, things get scary when these types of events occur. I start to get scared that she'll start getting really sick again. She is pretty much fine now, apart from being a little tired, and not having the muscle tone she lost in the hospital really back enough to want to go outside in the garden by herself.

Diary No. 15 Are these Reiki Sessions Making my Mom psychic?

You know, when you're really sick, you often become highly sensitive to different energies. For example, when my mother got home from the hospital, and I started these nightly Reiki sessions with her, she saw her whole family there.

When I decided to start doing the aura cleansing technique I learned in ART she was able to identify the exact size and shape of her tumor. I was impressed, but figured that she was in tune with her body, and was just more sensitive.

Now I think she's also becoming more sensitive to all types of energy. Last night, when I wanted to to the aura cleansing with her again, instead of envisioning it in her body, she again saw the energy of it in her aura. Kidney shaped. At first she saw it a black, she told me. Then she saw it as gray. Last night it was red. After I did the cleansing thing it was gone. I also included sweeping her aura with a seagull feather.

She's really starting to enjoy these sessions, and asks for them every night if I don't initiate them.

We should get her blood test results later in the week.

Diary No. 14

Last night we used music only. It was kind of a nice break from having to be so active mentally during the session (even though the Sutphen CD is for her, I end up getting into it too and moving my hands in accordance with it).

One interesting thing occurred - while the night before she had seen a grey shape in her aura, which I cleared out, last night when I asked her to identify the size and shape of dis-ease she saw in the same place, in her aura instead of her body, and this time it was red with jagged edges, kind of like a sunburst shape. I wonder what that was? Is that what cancer cells look like.

For someone who never meditated outside of some yoga classes she took while she was in her '70s, my mother is sensing some pretty interesting things, which seem really metaphysical to me.