My mom misses her Reiki sessions! I'm amazed. So, I started just putting both hands on her leg, and making sure I stay there for an hour, even though nurses come in and out. It is amazing how comforted she is by the Reiki energy. She just laps it up, and feels much better when I let her know that she indeed has received a total of an hour.
What I mostly do is just put a hand on her while I sit there, and turn on the Reiki. That works too. Both hands are better, but the one hand is comforting enough.
She'll be in there until probably Tuesday.
I'm in hell again though. And I am a new hater of chemo and the oncologist paradigm. What was I thinking letting an 84 year old woman do chemo anyway? Desperate or not, I should have put my foot down - my instinct was to refuse, but I let myself get talked into it.
Lesson: ALWAYS follow your gut. I knew this was wrong, and I let the world do what it wanted, not what I wanted.
Once my mom gets to the point where she can eat a semi normal amount of food, I'm going to put her on the Budwig Protocol. Full force. At the very least, people's qualities of life are improved. At the most, they go into remission. I think my mom's set to go out next year, for a number of reasons, but if she can be out of pain naturally and have some energy, I'll take that.
And we'll probably get her into hospice for the support in the meantime.
My mother is my best friend, and just a wonderful person. She is the biggest light in my life, and I'm devastated having to face all of this right now.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Diary No. 19 Things are getting bad and mom misses our Reiki sessions
No posts for a while because I've been on the cancer roller coaster.
Things were going on as usual, and then we decide to do chemo. I was more worried about than my mother was. At first she was supposed to get Gemcitabine and Tarceva, but then when we went for the appointment it was Gemcitabine and 5FU, the toxic one. Shit. But the oncologist is highly regarded around here and promised my mother he would take her age into consideration.
So, first, she's just a little tired, and I'm happily relieved. Then, as the week progresses she has less and less appetite, and I have a hard time getting her to even drink water. Then she gets whacked with fatigue and some horrible constipation. At first, Pauline came over, and she was fine. Then she gets so horribly constipated she's got pain all over, and especially bad stomach pain. The oncologist's office recommended a shocking amount of laxatives, but they worked. Very horrible. Poison in, poison out. The second time Pauline comes over, she has to work on her while she's in bed. Later on she's too weak to get on the massage table for our nightly Reiki session, so I do it while she's lying on the couch. By the 4th of July, 6 weeks of physical therapy are down the drain.
So then she gets hit with a horrible urinary tract infection and in the middle of the night her fever gets to 105. Off to the hospital in the ambulance.
She's now recovering on the oncology ward (which has the best nursing staff I've ever seen in a non-ICU situation). She's now on pancreatin, a sign the tumor has progressed.
I was really mad because I thought it was all from the chemo. But the oncologist said the cancer didn't respond to the CyberKnife and her tumor marker, which initially had dropped sharply, was back up again. Crap. She'll be in the hospital 5 more days while they give her extra antibiotics and figure out how to proceed.
So I went to the local Master psychic, Daniel Akner, (check him out here) last night (I had gone for the first time when she was just out of surgery - which was totally traumatic for her). I'm freaked out because I'm thinking that mom's end is nearer than I had thought. She had been doing spectacularly well, going from a wheelchair to a cane in 2 months, and was getting perkier and perkier, and suddenly, wham!
Daniel gives the most incredibly spiritual readings possible. The nightly Reiki seems to be evolving us, to make a long story short, and is the equivalent of a daily Hawaiian vacation for mom (OK, the Dick Sutphen tapes have something to do with that since the relaxation section is a tropical beach).
He didn't think that what my mom sees in an aura was a hallucination brought on by the anesthesia or something. He thinks she's getting energy into her system and is seeing it in her aura.
He didn't think the red was bad. He thought it was life force or something good like that. I also told him that on the first day of her chemo the spot turned white with black around it. He had seen that spot recently himself, since he had been severely ill as well. He thought it was energy coming for her.
All very good and cool about Reiki and its energizing and spiritual effects!
I also asked him to throw some tarot cards out on some of the supplements I've been giving mom. I had them on 3x5 cards. Resveratrol, quecertin and green tea extract, antioxidants, will interfere with the chemo (thereby resolving a controversy in the chemo field!!), however COQ10 will not, but it's also an antioxidant. Melatonin, recently recommended as an antioxidant with potential cancer fighting abilities, is a big no no for her because it will negatively impact her sleep patterns and freak her out. Polyerga will help, but Maitake MD fraction is too exotic and strong for her system (she had begun to refuse to take it anyway). Whey protein shakes, and flax, fish, and coconut oil, and multivitamins are all good.
It's interesting that the cards were slowly eliminating most non-food (ie extracts) cancer fighters, and they lead to the next thing.
The Budwig Protocol (see thisfor more info. There is also a yahoo group dedicated to supporting members on this diet. The address is flaxoil2@yahoogroups.com.) was associated with a card that had a woman with restored youth. That was the best so far.
What I'm going to do is start my mom out with the whey protein shakes, into which I put the Budwig-type of flaxseed oil and cottage cheese mixture, but less of it, and vitamins, with whey protein. I'll do this until she can eat enough to ingest enough flax seed oil to switch over to the Budwig protocol completely (if you're interested in trying this, get the recipe book from Amazon). I am very impressed with the results people on that list have. Many people with stage 3 or 4 cancer whom the oncology community has given up on, or who refuse to have all the toxic chemicals in their system, have had remissions. Others just have a lot of energy and a wonderful quality of life until they pass.
As I said before, I'm sure each cancer has its own energetic signature, so it does make sense that some of these supplements would be inappropriate for my mom in her current disease process, and still be helpful to others.
Today my mother looked MUCH better, but was still very tired. She's coming along slowly. But she was very tired, and sleeping most of the day. That's fine.
This next phase will be very scary for all involved.
Yesterday she wanted to go home very badly. One of the things she missed the most was the nightly REIKI SESSIONS!!
Things were going on as usual, and then we decide to do chemo. I was more worried about than my mother was. At first she was supposed to get Gemcitabine and Tarceva, but then when we went for the appointment it was Gemcitabine and 5FU, the toxic one. Shit. But the oncologist is highly regarded around here and promised my mother he would take her age into consideration.
So, first, she's just a little tired, and I'm happily relieved. Then, as the week progresses she has less and less appetite, and I have a hard time getting her to even drink water. Then she gets whacked with fatigue and some horrible constipation. At first, Pauline came over, and she was fine. Then she gets so horribly constipated she's got pain all over, and especially bad stomach pain. The oncologist's office recommended a shocking amount of laxatives, but they worked. Very horrible. Poison in, poison out. The second time Pauline comes over, she has to work on her while she's in bed. Later on she's too weak to get on the massage table for our nightly Reiki session, so I do it while she's lying on the couch. By the 4th of July, 6 weeks of physical therapy are down the drain.
So then she gets hit with a horrible urinary tract infection and in the middle of the night her fever gets to 105. Off to the hospital in the ambulance.
She's now recovering on the oncology ward (which has the best nursing staff I've ever seen in a non-ICU situation). She's now on pancreatin, a sign the tumor has progressed.
I was really mad because I thought it was all from the chemo. But the oncologist said the cancer didn't respond to the CyberKnife and her tumor marker, which initially had dropped sharply, was back up again. Crap. She'll be in the hospital 5 more days while they give her extra antibiotics and figure out how to proceed.
So I went to the local Master psychic, Daniel Akner, (check him out here) last night (I had gone for the first time when she was just out of surgery - which was totally traumatic for her). I'm freaked out because I'm thinking that mom's end is nearer than I had thought. She had been doing spectacularly well, going from a wheelchair to a cane in 2 months, and was getting perkier and perkier, and suddenly, wham!
Daniel gives the most incredibly spiritual readings possible. The nightly Reiki seems to be evolving us, to make a long story short, and is the equivalent of a daily Hawaiian vacation for mom (OK, the Dick Sutphen tapes have something to do with that since the relaxation section is a tropical beach).
He didn't think that what my mom sees in an aura was a hallucination brought on by the anesthesia or something. He thinks she's getting energy into her system and is seeing it in her aura.
He didn't think the red was bad. He thought it was life force or something good like that. I also told him that on the first day of her chemo the spot turned white with black around it. He had seen that spot recently himself, since he had been severely ill as well. He thought it was energy coming for her.
All very good and cool about Reiki and its energizing and spiritual effects!
I also asked him to throw some tarot cards out on some of the supplements I've been giving mom. I had them on 3x5 cards. Resveratrol, quecertin and green tea extract, antioxidants, will interfere with the chemo (thereby resolving a controversy in the chemo field!!), however COQ10 will not, but it's also an antioxidant. Melatonin, recently recommended as an antioxidant with potential cancer fighting abilities, is a big no no for her because it will negatively impact her sleep patterns and freak her out. Polyerga will help, but Maitake MD fraction is too exotic and strong for her system (she had begun to refuse to take it anyway). Whey protein shakes, and flax, fish, and coconut oil, and multivitamins are all good.
It's interesting that the cards were slowly eliminating most non-food (ie extracts) cancer fighters, and they lead to the next thing.
The Budwig Protocol (see thisfor more info. There is also a yahoo group dedicated to supporting members on this diet. The address is flaxoil2@yahoogroups.com.) was associated with a card that had a woman with restored youth. That was the best so far.
What I'm going to do is start my mom out with the whey protein shakes, into which I put the Budwig-type of flaxseed oil and cottage cheese mixture, but less of it, and vitamins, with whey protein. I'll do this until she can eat enough to ingest enough flax seed oil to switch over to the Budwig protocol completely (if you're interested in trying this, get the recipe book from Amazon). I am very impressed with the results people on that list have. Many people with stage 3 or 4 cancer whom the oncology community has given up on, or who refuse to have all the toxic chemicals in their system, have had remissions. Others just have a lot of energy and a wonderful quality of life until they pass.
As I said before, I'm sure each cancer has its own energetic signature, so it does make sense that some of these supplements would be inappropriate for my mom in her current disease process, and still be helpful to others.
Today my mother looked MUCH better, but was still very tired. She's coming along slowly. But she was very tired, and sleeping most of the day. That's fine.
This next phase will be very scary for all involved.
Yesterday she wanted to go home very badly. One of the things she missed the most was the nightly REIKI SESSIONS!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
